Monday, January 15, 2007

First day

Today I enter into the world of blogging.... I have to admit it's a little scary for someone who likes to hide her true thoughts and feelings. I often find that I try to hind my own thoughts from myself. Seems kind of silly, I know, but that would be me. I don't always do things the easy way or the way they are suppose to be done. In fact, I almost always learn lessons the hard way. I wouldn't say that I'm a slow learner, although that may be the way it appears from the outside. I think I just give people too many chances. I wouldn't view myself as super optimistic, but somehow I always hope for the best in people and this sometimes (or most of the time) can have negative outcomes. Don't get me wrong I'm not looking for self pity, I'm just working on knowing myself a little better and growing in the process. I'm starting a blog to get my thoughts out, instead of trying to suppress them inside.

Today my mood is not so great.... Kind of sucks for my first day, but I guess I might have more to write about. My friend Josh suggested that I start my first blog with pictures since I wasn't sure what I was going to write about. He even helped me go out and take pictures today. I have to admit I did need the extra push. Something about putting myself out here on the Internet just seems to really rattle my nerves. One thing I definitely know about myself is that I've always been and probably always will be very indecisive. So for my first day, I have a few pictures instead of one. Even small decisions such as which picture will I write about today, or what shirt will I wear are very hard for me to make. This is why it doesn't surprise me at all the I will start out with three pictures instead of one. Maybe as time goes on and this isn't so new to me I will be able to narrow it down to just one a day but don't count on it.

My first picture is of my "friend" Josh. He is the one that encouraged me to pick up blogging so I feel the need to recognize him here. Kind of a weird picture to put up of someone, I know, but of course there is a story behind it. We've all had rough times in our lives but I can't even imagine going through what he has endured. To be told you have eight months to live must be a very scary experience. I say scary but I don't even think that word could come close to describing what he went through. It is hard for me even to imagine since I did not know him before his surgery. Josh was very sick for a long time and got the much needed liver transplant on March 26th of 2006. I admire him for many things but mostly for his perfect heart. He has
given me much needed encouragement and also brought hope to my life when it wasn't going to good. He is the hardest worker that I know and I respect him so much for this. Even though I've only known him for about 5 months, I'm so proud of how far he has come. He has quickly become my best friend and I am very blessed to have him as a part of my life. Any time I have a terrible day I know that I can count on him for support and he is always willing to listen even when my troubles don't compare to what he has been through. Thanks Josh for always listening.

Okay moving on to things not so sappy. Like I said, today wasn't the best day. This picture of the "Boiler Room" made me think of how many times I'm tested daily to try to reach my own "boiling point." Do you ever feel that you are part of that MTV show "Boiling point?" Sometimes it feels as though people just try to push your buttons on purpose. They'll just give you a sweet smile as though nothing is intentional, of course, but deep down you know that things aren't right with them. Sometimes I wish that we were limited to one bad thing a day instead of days where they all pile up. It would definitely save lots of tears. What is even more annoying, is when everything starts to bother you on these bad days. Things that really aren't annoying at all and it just adds to all the chaos. I'm tired of bad days I think I'm just going to give them up!!!

This fire hydrant for some reason represents my life lately. It seems as though both places that I work people like to "piss on me" kind of sounds like rough talk I know. I usually don't talk like this but something about getting my feelings out is making me feel better tonight. But even in the midst of everything I try to stay myself. Anyone close to me knows that I am an odd ball, and this fire hydrant definitely looks odd to me. It represents my goofy character. Plus it's name is rover and one of my favorite games growing up was red rover.

Well that's it for tonight. Maybe tomorrow's pictures will have more positive thoughts with them. We'll see what tomorrow brings...

1 comment:

Josh Carpenter said...

Good job!! I am proud of you. I am impressed with how you did this. I like the format. You have plenty to say and I look forward to hearing it! I'm lucky to have you call me friend!