Monday, March 12, 2007
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Friday, March 9, 2007
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
It's crazy how much life can change in such a short time period. One day you are thinking about love, family, and your future and the next you're wondering how you will survive. I look at this picture with so much regret. Although I look calm and collected, I was wondering what my life would be like and was there any chance that our marriage would make it. Well, it didn't take very long to figure out that we wouldn't and leave me more confused and hurt than I've ever been in my whole life. I never really knew how much pain goes along with divorce. How could I? No one in my family had ever been through it. Everyone said it was a good thing we didn't have kids, and I'm sure it was, but that didn't seem to make it any easier. How long do you wait before you give up on someone? And when you do, will you ever find anyone that will love you again? I'm always envious of people that say they live without regrets and I really wish I knew how to do this. How do you put your past behind you? I'm afraid that my past has ruined my current relationship and I don't know how to fix it or what to do about it. I'm tired of feeling out of control and desperately wish that life came directions and a fairy God mother that granted you three wishes.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Walking down the street the other day, I saw this car and had to take a picture. I seriously would like to have the confidence of this car. My greatest weakness is my lack of confidence. Because of this I know that I’ve missed out on many opportunities because I was too afraid to try. This year I'm putting my confidence in God and hope that he will make a better use of my life for me than what I’ve made of it so far.
A few areas I would like to work on are my confidence in my work, my appearance, and my ability to share Christ with others. I know that my biggest critic is myself. I listen too much to comments that other people make or don’t make and then my imagination and emotions run wild with them. I need to stop trying to please other people and concentrate on making God happy and I believe this will make everything else will fall back in place.
I’ve recently come to the conclusion that all my confidence has come from relationships that I’ve been in. My whole life I’ve gone from one relationship to the next searching for someone to make me happy. Realizing this is a crazy way to live, I’m going to try being on my own for a while. I think it will give me time to grow and heal. No relationship will ever have meaning if I don’t value myself.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Looking down over this valley today, I realized my life problems aren't as big as I make them out to be. Recently I've filled my life with busyness to quiet down the cries from my broken heart. Today my heart felt warm and full of life as I soaked in the sun on the top of a mountain. Last year was full of hurts, pains and disappointments. This picture represents me getting through tough times and moving on.
I'm thankful that God gives us second chances. I'm thankful for life, family and good friends. I'm thankful that you get more than one chance at love and I pray that next time it won't be anything like the last. I'm thankful now more than ever for good health. I pray for my Dad and hope that one day soon he will be free from addictions and pain. I'm thankful for my mom. I believe she was a gift from God. Without her I know I would not be the person I am today. She always wanted the best for me even when I didn't want it for myself. I'm thankful for the continued support and encouragement I receive from my parents. I'm learning more and more that this is rare and how blessed I am to have both of them in my life. I'm thankful for my brother and his wife who accepted me with open arms. They will always have a special place in my heart. At a time when I felt I had nothing, they made me feel special and loved. I don't think they will ever know how much I appreciate them. I'm thankful for the people that God has put in my life that encourage me and pray for me. I'm reminded of my favorite childhood song "He's still working on me," and I'm thankful when other people see this and forgive me for my mistakes and faults. I'm far from perfect, but always try to keep an open and humble heart that is willing to make changes. I'm thankful for the trials in my life because although they've left scars they have made me stronger. But most of all, I'm thankful that God forgives me and accepts me each time I come running back. I pray that this year will be different and God will show me my purpose in life and that I will be obedient to him.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Friday, January 19, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Walking in downtown Gainesville, I caught sight of this quiet spot behind one of the main buildings. I think this picture really brings out the girly side of me. As a child I read the book and watched the movie The Secret Garden many times. I guess you could say I fantasized about having my own pretty, pretty garden. This place really reminds me of a modern day version. I know it doesn't look the same, but not many people take time to do any kind of gardening or to even make any special relaxation place outside anymore. As I grow older and busier, I've lost touch with hobbies and interests I had as a child. I use to love to "pretend Garden." I can't say that I every really had a flourishing flower bed or anything like that, but I did like to pretend. I use to get those cheap plants from the grocery store the ones that have pink on their leaves. I was so intent on taking care of them that I usually would water them to death. I also had spider plants in my room and one of my personal favorites an aloe plant in case I ever needed first aid for a burn. I don't think I would fall into the normal category as a kid--- I know I was a little odd. I was very introvert and didn't have many friends. I think having plants and animals to take care of made me feel like I was needed. Writing about it now, I realized I haven't changed too much. I still don't have a lot of friends (that's one reason I have time to blog), I'm still a little odd, and I do love taking care of my dogs. They love me and need me!!!!
Monday, January 15, 2007
Today my mood is not so great.... Kind of sucks for my first day, but I guess I might have more to write about. My friend Josh suggested that I start my first blog with pictures since I wasn't sure what I was going to write about. He even helped me go out and take pictures today. I have to admit I did need the extra push. Something about putting myself out here on the Internet just seems to really rattle my nerves. One thing I definitely know about myself is that I've always been and probably always will be very indecisive. So for my first day, I have a few pictures instead of one. Even small decisions such as which picture will I write about today, or what shirt will I wear are very hard for me to make. This is why it doesn't surprise me at all the I will start out with three pictures instead of one. Maybe as time goes on and this isn't so new to me I will be able to narrow it down to just one a day but don't count on it.
My first picture is of my "friend" Josh. He is the one that encouraged me to pick up blogging so I feel the need to recognize him here. Kind of a weird picture to put up of someone, I know, but of course there is a story behind it. We've all had rough times in our lives but I can't even imagine going through what he has endured. To be told you have eight months to live must be a very scary experience. I say scary but I don't even think that word could come close to describing what he went through. It is hard for me even to imagine since I did not know him before his surgery. Josh was very sick for a long time and got the much needed liver transplant on March 26th of 2006. I admire him for many things but mostly for his perfect heart. He has
given me much needed encouragement and also brought hope to my life when it wasn't going to good. He is the hardest worker that I know and I respect him so much for this. Even though I've only known him for about 5 months, I'm so proud of how far he has come. He has quickly become my best friend and I am very blessed to have him as a part of my life. Any time I have a terrible day I know that I can count on him for support and he is always willing to listen even when my troubles don't compare to what he has been through. Thanks Josh for always listening.
Okay moving on to things not so sappy. Like I said, today wasn't the best day. This picture of the "Boiler Room" made me think of how many times I'm tested daily to try to reach my own "boiling point." Do you ever feel that you are part of that MTV show "Boiling point?" Sometimes it feels as though people just try to push your buttons on purpose. They'll just give you a sweet smile as though nothing is intentional, of course, but deep down you know that things aren't right with them. Sometimes I wish that we were limited to one bad thing a day instead of days where they all pile up. It would definitely save lots of tears. What is even more annoying, is when everything starts to bother you on these bad days. Things that really aren't annoying at all and it just adds to all the chaos. I'm tired of bad days I think I'm just going to give them up!!!
This fire hydrant for some reason represents my life lately. It seems as though both places that I work people like to "piss on me" kind of sounds like rough talk I know. I usually don't talk like this but something about getting my feelings out is making me feel better tonight. But even in the midst of everything I try to stay myself. Anyone close to me knows that I am an odd ball, and this fire hydrant definitely looks odd to me. It represents my goofy character. Plus it's name is rover and one of my favorite games growing up was red rover.
Well that's it for tonight. Maybe tomorrow's pictures will have more positive thoughts with them. We'll see what tomorrow brings...