Monday, March 12, 2007

Getting my Monkeys Connected

The craziness of my life goes on and on and on.
There are times in my life when I feel that if one more element of work, family, relationships or dealing with my past was added I would surely fall apart. Now is definitely one of those times. You know that game of monkey barrel that we use to play when we were little? How you loop one arm of a monkey to a leg or arm of another and try to get them all connected. That is what I feel like lately. I've come to the conclusion that I've got to stop running from my past and start progressing forward. In order to do this, I've got to deal with every aspect of all the things I've been running from for so long. It seems as though one thing is connected to another, and they've all been haunting me for way too long. Unfortunately, the people in my life right now usually get the back lash of repressed emotions left from those I've pushed behind me in the past, and I am truly sorry for this. Expressing that I will be moving forward, is definitely going to be the easy part, however, I am sincere in following through with my intentions this time. There comes a point in life where you just get tired of running and don't have the energy to fight it off anymore, and for the first time I know that I am finally at that point. I can be stubborn sometimes and because of this I think I've hit rock bottom more than once..... (more times actually than I would like to admit) However, I've always had a determination in me to make a difference and to help others, but because of my own fears of rejection, I've kept myself from seeking positions and opportunities that would allow me to do this. From this point on I'm not running anymore. I'm going to get all my little monkeys connected and win the game!!!

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